All's Fair In Love And War
by KendamaWolfe
Summary: And it's gonna be one hell of a war!  Newcomers Wolfe and Selestal find out that Ouran isn't the snooty, stuckup school it's depicted as!  Still working on pairings.
1. A Fresh New Start

**HELLO, OURAN HOST CLUB SECTION!!!!!!! I've been wanting to get up a OHC FanFic for a while now, and now that I finally do, I have to post a disclaimer. I don't own OHC, It's characters, or anything else they could sue me for. OK, now that that's over, here's:**

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**_CHAPTER I  
_A Fresh New Start**

"Hol...E...Crap..."

As I stood outside the monsterous castle that was Ouran High School, I couldn't help but drool over it's magnificence. My sister nudged me out of my trance and said, "Hey Wolfe, are we going in or not?" As I gathered my books, I replied, " Yeah, yeah, calm down Selly." As we went into the school to read over the Terms of Service (Hey, it's Ouran we're talking about here!), we found out that none of the rooms were open. And when I mean open, I mean SILENT!!!! Everywhere we went, the Library, Music rooms, everywhere was crowed with loud spoiled rich kids! After we searched the school over, we found out that the East wing was the most silent. We checked it out, and found the Third Music Room. Selly was about to open the door, but I stopped her just before she touched the doorknob. "Listen", I said, "There might be other people talking in here. If I go into another one of those rooms and hear nothing but talking, I'm gonna go INSANE!!!!!!" She gave me a skeptical look and said, "And you're not already?" Ignoring the urge to kick her, I opened the door with caution, and when I heard no sound, I opened it full force. And I guess you know what happens when you go into the Third Music Room...

"Welcome to the Host Club!"

As we entered the room, we saw 6 High School Students, most of them Freshman, in a Midieval-type wardrobe. Before we could even say anything (and I was about to rocket out of there as fast as I could), the doors closed behind us, and the person who appeared to be the "King" said, "Hm? What do we have here? A young Middle School student and a..." I answered angrily, "A not-gay Freshman looking for a place where him and his sister can read over these damned TOS guidelines!" Apparently, they got where I was coming from. However, they "insisted" that Selly request a Host. "How can someone so charming be inclined to come here without requesting a Host?" Kingie was getting too nosy for his own good, but Selly came back with, "Well, when you transfer here from another school and your idiot brother drops the school map in a manhole, you tend not to notice these things. Plus, it's quiet in here." Before the King could "insist" more, I asked, "Hey, this is fun and all, but there's just one question I've been wanting to ask for a while now: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOUR NAMES?!?!?!?!?" The King finally got up from his "throne" and said, "Ah, yes. I am Tamaki, leader of the Host Club." The one with glasses said, "I am Ootoro Kyoyu, pleased to meet you." The twins said, "Hitachiin Hikaru and Kaoru, pleased to meet you!" The really tall one muttered, "...Mori." Finally, the last one said, "Fujioka Haruhi, a pleasure to meet you." As he said that, I noticed something in him that just wasn't... masculine. I looked into his eyes, and that's when I realized...

"There are girls in the Host Club?"

Everyone froze, and tried (very crappily, might I add) to defend Haruhi's gender. I just stood there, tapping my foot in agrivation. After they realized I had them pegged, Hikaru (at least, I THINK it was Hikaru...) said, "How could you tell that Haruhi was a girl?" I shrugged and said, "Well, her eyes are a dead giveaway." They all gave me a blank stare, so I explained, "Well... when you look into a person's eyes, you can see a lot of things. Thing is, there is always one thing that stays the same, and it's different between genders. If it's a boy, there's a certain sharpness to it. If it's a girl, there's a bit of a softness to it. So, you get... it... now... ok, WHAT in the hell are you guys doing?" They all circled Haruhi, trying to find the detail that could tell them it was a girl, but to no avail (Man, I've always wanted to say that!). After they realized they couldn't see it, and before they came whining to me about it, I said, "Yeah, it only works if you don't already know the gender of the person. If you know, then the detail doesn't show."

After a few hours of straightening things out with the Moron Host Club, me and Selly were able to start (and finish) the TOS, and no one got hurt... until I tried to leave. Someone thought the Host Club was open and burst through the door, knocking me back into a pedestal that held, you guessed it, a priceless Ming Vase. And I'm guessing you know what it totals up to...

"800,000,000 YEN?!?!?!?!?"

Tamaki comes over to me, helps me up, and says, "Well, I guess the auction's over with. However, to pay back your damages, you will have to-" I interrupt angrily and say, "Yeah yeah, I know, be the Host Club's dog for the rest of my time here to pay back the damages." Tamaki had a puzzled look on his face, then said, "Actually, I was gonna see if you wanted to wprk it off as a game tester, but that's a wonderful idea!"

Today was not a good day for me...

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**Sorry if it was a bit on the short side, I kinda wanted to get this up as soon as I could. Don't worry, other better, longer chapters will be following soon!**

**Wolfe ;P**


	2. Akwardly Familiar

**Hey! It's me again! Alright, disclaimer time; I don't own Ouran. Now that that's out of the way, here's:**

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**_Chapter II_**

**_Akwardly Familiar..._**

"Wolfe! More coffee, please!"

It was the first day working as the Host Club's dog, and amazingly, I kinda liked it. You meet new people, learn some new cooking skills, and get to sneak a piece of chocolate cheesecake and a cup of coffee in between trips to the kitchen. Also, to my surprise, they had that cheap coffee that all you had to do was put a teaspoon or two of coffee powder in a tea cup, then add hot water. However, I had the curse of the Monteressa's. Basically, whenever something good happens to me, something bad must happen in order to keep the balance. So as I'm walking out of the kitchen, a little kid who looks about 9 or 10 years old gets in my way and trips me up. I go flying, along with the tray of coffee and tea I was carrying out, and landed face first onto the floor... and just lay there. If you've ever watched a cartoon where someone trips up with something in their hand, when they go to get up, it falls on their head. So, I just lay there, and... nothing. As I go to get up, I see Selly standing in front of me, her left hand in the air above my head. As I get on my legs to regain my sense of diection, I look up at her and say, "Wow, that was lucky. Thanks... Selly... crap." As I look at her face, I notice that she's got a devilish grin on her face. and as I looked up...

"I swear, the next time I see her, I'm gonna boil her in the smallest pot I can find!" As I'm toweling off myself, Hikaru and Kaoru come up behind me, each grabs one of my arms, and whisks me into the changing room. In a flash, they ripped off my old clothes and shoved an Ouran boy's uniform on me (It's wierd how they do that to another person so fast...), took my unruly brown rug on my head called hair and straightened it out for a medium-short look, shined my shoes, did my laundry, overturned Stalin's statue, and stopped the Great Depression (all before bedtime, too!). The raggedy, plain-looking street rat now looked like a decent-looking young man... I hated it. But, since I needed a uniform, I just messed up my hair again so it looked a bit raggedy, but so the straightness stayed. "There, perfect. Oh, also, how did you guys undress me and redress me so quickly like that?" At that, they rocketed out of the room to get back to their "Guests". I sighed, muttered, "Man, this school just gets wierder and wierder," and walked back off to the kitchen to re-make the coffee and tea, and to find a big enough knife to impale Selly with. When I walked in, I noticed a figure standing by the coffee machine, and assuming it was Selly trying to rig the coffee machine with explosives, I jet over to her, grab her by the shoulders, and say, "Gotcha, ya little Hellion! Listen, I've had enough of you trying to screw with me for today, so why don't you just go out with some friends, and leave... me the... hell... alone..." I spun her around to talk to her face, only to realize that it wasn't Selly at the machine, but Haruhi. As I realized my folly, I realized I was turning bright red. Apparently, Haruhi noticed, too, saying, "Umm... I'm not your sister, and you can let go of my shoulders anytime now, 'cause this position is kinda... akward." I looked down, and remember I was shaking her while I was screaming at her, I ended up stopping with her body right up against mine. Immediately, I let go of Haruhi, grabbed the tray of coffee, and started out the door to the Host Club when Haruhi said, "The club ended early today. Honey-kun spilt some tea, and you know how swift Tamaki is..." I stopped, turned around, put the tray down on a nearby table, and said, "Well, that makes my job easier- wait a sec... Honey-kun? You mean that little shrimp with the blonde hair that helped my sister trip me up?" Haruhi poured the coffee she was making into a cup that appeared out of nowhere and replied, "Yeah, that's him. But don't think he's just some dumb kid your sister was playing with. He's a genius, and a Senior. Plus, he's a master Martial Artist." Grabbing a cup of ea from the tray, I ask, "A master fighter, eh?... Would he, by any chance, be willing to fight if he was challenged or asked?" She gulped down the rest of her coffee, and while walking out, she said, "I dunno, you'll have to ask him and find out yourself. Oh, and a tip if you are gonna fight him: make sure you bring a trick or two. For one reason or another, Honey-kun always keeps a few tricks up his sleeve- and I still don't know where he gets those shuriken from..."

That night, I was up from dusk 'till dawn working on a master weapon to get revenge on Honey... and to actually fight someone with more-than-adequate abilities. After it was finished, I wrapped it in bubble wrap and stashed it under my bed. Looking out the gigantic castle-like window, I thought of how the day went: I slipped on coffee, got a free uniform, and got a bit more up-close-and-personal with Haruhi. But when the thought of Haruhi crossed my mind, I found myself blushing. I thought, _Wait a sec, why am I blushing? I'm a damn mercenary for God's sake! After... well, the incident, I've had to fight for my life to bring money into the house. I'm supposed to be a hardened, emotionally stable killing machine! _Or so I thought. Everytime I looked into those Hazel eyes... I'd just melt. I'd feel happy, content... and safe. Safe hasn't been a feeling I've felt in a long time, and getting that feeling back had to be one of the best things that ever happened to me. However, that still didn't nullify the fact that, as long as I'm here, every living soul here was in grave danger. After I inherited "Way to the Dawn" from my uncle Ruki (Still addicted to KH2, and for those of you who don't know what Way to the Dawn is, search it up on Google images. It's Riku's Keyblade (i think...)) , my life from 12 to 14 was a blur of darkness, deception, and blood. After I came here, I thought about it, and the only reasonI existed, the only reason I lived, was to help my family survive, to make sure they lived good lives. Now, I have a reason for me to live that is mine and mine alone. As I looked up into the moonlight, I saw two things: The faces of the people I love, and the face that will be my downfall...

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**I'm so sorry if my stories have been big and blocky, but I'm still learning! Don't worry, the next chapter will be better, I swear!**

**Wolfe ;P**


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